He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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