Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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