Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
