Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
