I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The struggles of a small town man whore
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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