Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
