She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
