Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
