What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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