i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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