I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
