it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
