Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
