dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
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You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
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You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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