oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
