Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
