i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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