She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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