also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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