My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
True strength comes from lack of pants
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
