I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
