If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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