weddingsv make me drug and hornr
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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