trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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