You smell like stripper and shame
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding