I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
So much puke
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.