just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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