I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
