She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
only if we run a train.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
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Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
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The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?