Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
