At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
this is an emotional support booty call
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
