cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize