I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
