i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
