wanna go halves on a baby?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i believe in u and ur pee
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
