I want to stick my p in your. b.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
