you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
