You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
