I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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