idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
