Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
