FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
