I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She told me I should be a condom model.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
