His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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