it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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