You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
