this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
