put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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