every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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