i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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