the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
