you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
