Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
