nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize