He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
