do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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