Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
