YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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