I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
