I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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