I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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