Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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