put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
