what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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