if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
