Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.