so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
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He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
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Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD