last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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