yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.