its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
