dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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