her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
