Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
