Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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