i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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