What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He kissed a someone with a penis
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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