"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
