You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
