please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
