Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
