Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
