I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
