That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
